i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
