i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
