Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
