if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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