i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize