those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
