:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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