her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
