I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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