we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
