Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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