i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
