you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
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