If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
high people should be assigned attendants
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
