The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
