Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
