I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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