i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
