I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
