Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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