If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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