I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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