Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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