Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
