I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize