i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
How does it feel to date your dad?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
