My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
its not stalking. its research.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
