Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My ass is underappreciated
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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