So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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