am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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