also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
