Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize