he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
