Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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