Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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