After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
