I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
