Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i came on her dog
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize