apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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