wat bout pragnant strippers??
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
