the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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