I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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