Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I should be sponsored by Trojan
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
