Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
