Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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