i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
