I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
