I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize