omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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