just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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