Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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