You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Someone signed my nipple.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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