I could have mohawked her pubes.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Actions speak louder than pants.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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