how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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