the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
