so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
