I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
