jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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