i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He better not be in your backpack
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
