I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize