things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
i think my cat just said my name.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
