I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
