Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
