i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
