Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Randomize
