Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
