I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
