maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
