I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
This is classic penis vs brain.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
