i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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