No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
