Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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